Than I guess I'm to blame after all.

Here comes the "maybe"... i'm not that far the truth ! Glad I was able to open your eyes on the matter. And happy about what ??? You put yourself in this situation, I won't feel sorry for you voluntary reopening the wounds.

It doesn't matter what I think.

You're not to blame. I am. I took unconditional risk to be able to make my mind clear. Which is not working very well.

Happy about knowing all of this ! Knowing that I am actually STUPID. It's a new facette you have here. Still learning things about each other after a glorious 10 year friendship.

It does. It actually does matter. So just say it Jeremiah. Tell me what you think I am doing all day and night long. Just go for it !

If what you think did not matter, you would have not be my best friend for so long.

PLEASE!!! You're in the worst place to clear your mind, stop making a fool of me!

You certainly don't know me all that well if you think I am happy for a second about any of this.

I don't care about what you do all day Ella, this is none of my business. Being your best friend doesn't give me a say on your doings. Do whatever you want to do, keep playing with fire but don't be surprise when you'll get burned.

I know Jem ! I do fucking know ! The risk was to bring Eden to his home so I could go back to mine. And I messed up on every freaking level. With You, my brother, me, Eden and even Karl and Otis.

I know you're not. I was not really asking you if you were happy I'm hurt by the whole situation. It was more like, happy to know what's in that little seed I call my brain.

Actually, it does. Especially when I ask you. Do you really think I'm in bed with him ? Because, you know what ? I am not. I am as far as possible. Not to avoid me being tempted (I can see you coming there) but because he is my EX boyfriend and that's how it is going to stay. I am moving FORWARD.

I won't get burned. Or maybe I will but not by him.

We can at least agree on this.

The more you talk, the less I understand your brain actually. Ripping off the bandages is moving backward. But anyway you never asked me what I think about the people you get in bed with, let's not start now.

I'm turning off my phone because the light is annoying for Bea and Cami. Good night.

Maybe it will heal without a bandage. Maybe I'll get a disease and die. Maybe my antibodies will just take over and heal my body and mind.
I can't live behind a bandage, by being afraid of staring truth and hurt in the eye. It is just not me. I can't keep doing that. It is not helping and I promised myself to go forward in 2021 by any means.

Well Otis is not happy with that. He thinks that you should stop putting non sense into your head and he says that he will keep growling at Wesley. All of that. Between two snorings of course.

Kiss Pimprenelle for me then...
And kiss yourself on the hand. That's my new ghost kiss.
Have a good night Jem.

- messages lus -